I think I killed my wife.
I didn't mean to. But then the screen loaded, I grew horns.
The problem was no-one took the time to listen to my side of the story.
Here's what happened. I was hanging around the temple of shadows (quite a popular place) when I thought I'd sacrifice a few of their disciples to their evil god. Wouldn't let me do this so instead I took 8 of them out for a walk, played them a song on my lute and then roasted them in fire until they burned. THEN somehow a) word gets back, and b) people think this is a bad thing. I don't understand... they were servants of evil. So my wife finds out, runs away - I run after her hoping we can patch things up. She runs into the gardens... by the time my Xbox has caught up with the drama the authorities have removed her body and taken my kid to the orphanage.
I don't know where the orphanage was.
So - and I was really angry with this - I went to the other side of the known world. Completing a job for a guy who says he wants to clean the place up. Grab some wine from a cupboard and someone starts shooting at me. So I kill them. A couple of hookers walk in. I think - why not? I apparently killed the only woman I ever... married. So I have a threesome with a couple of hookers. Apparently my shoulders are strong. Then we finish up and they see the corpse that was close by and freak out for some reason, grab a gun that didn't appear to be anywhere on their personages during the festivities and bang bang they're shooting at me.
So I have to kill them too.
By now people think I'm pretty freaking awful. Which makes me feel sad. I didn't mean to kill my wife, the strange angry homeowner or Anna and Sarah the aggressive, bisexual, raunchy, kinky, randy hookers. But it kind of happened.
I lost myself in freeing villagers from the slavers for a while. but my heart wasn't really in it.
So I do this quest for a gravedigger who's fallen in love with a 500 year old witch. Rescue her body parts (she was a witch so she'd been dismembered in a whole bunch of places) and sat around to watch the experimentation. Looked much better than I thought she would. And she obviously liked the way I looked. Gravedigger started crying but... well look everyone had been so mean to me that I wanted something I little bit special. I wanted to treat myself. And what says 'cheer up, sport' than a 500 year old undead witch?
We got married.
Somewhat confused by the fact we've had a child. Child appears to be not-undead. Child is not dead either, actually.
mood:  aggravated music: Heart-strings snnapping like a demented lute |